When you suggest a great idea... to a customer, to a partner, to an employee, and perhaps even a boss... what do you do if you meet resistance?
It's easy to finish up in a heated discussion... and the more you justify your position, the more resistance you meet.
And the more the other person digs into their opinion.
Once an opinion has been given, we often feel internal pressure to remain consistent to that opinion.
After all only who wants to be thought of as inconsistent or with flaky opinions which will crumble at the first sign of pressure.
Fortunately there is a way to overcome resistance without getting into an argument...and without feeling the frustrations of hitting your head against a brick wall.
Even better, it's been proven for about 2,400 years...it's called the Socratic method of learning and was proposed by the Greek Philosopher Socrates.
You overcome resistance by asking questions and listen carefully to the answers.
Richard Paul of the Center for Critical Studies has identified six types of Socratic questions:
- Questions to clarify what the other person means.
- Questions to probe assumptions.
- Questions to investigate the logic, reasons and evidence the other person's using.
- Questions examining viewpoints and perspectives.
- Questions to investigate implications and consequences.
- Questions to get to the root of the other person's questions.
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That's an important point Paul. Too often, ideas can be discarded without consideration, because people throw up the 'walls' and go into defence mode, when they meet a concept that doesn't fit with 'how they know it is' in the world. Many times, it is to their detriment. The approach we take to presenting an idea can make all the difference, and getting past that automatic defence system is critical to the outcome we will get.
Posted by: Lindy Asimus | 23 January 2010 at 11:56 PM
@ lindy Great point. By asking question you may also come up with ideas neither of you or the person resisting thought of. It's a great way to think through a problem. It outlines the challenges your solution will face, and develop a strategy for success.
Posted by: Nathaniel | 25 January 2010 at 04:35 PM
The Socratic method was meant to "draw out" the answer from a student. It operated under the belief that we intuitively know the answers. It's use was mostly in a student teacher relationship, which is hierarchical. Therefore, one needs to be diplomatic to avoid it sounding like an interrogation. Questions that begin with the 5 W's and 'how' work better than the Perry Mason type "isn't true..." but even those can back fire. One can ask a client, "Why did you meet with me?" versus "What led you to meet with me? One asks about the process, the other asks for a reason/justification. Obvious? Perhaps, but not to everyone because I have had both asked of me. I found questions are extremely powerful for getting people to explore consequences in non-threatening way. If people do not understand the magnitude and implications of their problem, they will take no action.
Posted by: Gregg | 03 February 2010 at 01:08 AM
Excellent point Gregg.
It does make such a difference how questions are asked - the words, the tonality and the overall ambience (I can't think of a better word).
The more natural the conversation feels and the more nurturing the better.
You certainly don't want to make the other person nervous and defensive.
Posted by: Paul | 03 February 2010 at 06:53 AM